FINDING PEACE IN YOUR LIFE

FINDING PEACE IN YOUR LIFE
As summer 2014 is now in the past and holiday seasons are upon us, for Jews, Christians and Muslims, we often find ourselves evaluating our lives and our success…and failures. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? Who do I owe apologies to and how can I create a better life for myself? We assess all of the things that have gone wrong and some of the most outstanding things that went well.
They say confession is good for the soul. Making apologies is an integral part of most or all 7 step programs. So here are my confessions and my apologies. Mostly though, these are the lessons I want to pass on for those who still have the opportunity to fix the wrongs before it is too late.
Within the past three years, I have lost three people who meant a great deal to me. They were my parents and an aunt. None of them were young. In fact they were age 92,95 and 101 years of age. I loved them all and they all taught me important lessons about life. They each gave me experiences that I now cherish and wish I had taken greater joy in those experiences. I never actually thought my parents would die. Logically, of course, I knew they would. I didn’t consciously recognize it though…their mortality and inevitable passing. I do not live in the same city as they did, but I was not so far that I could not have visited more often. I was always busy with my grown children, grandchildren, work, school, friends, relaxing…something. Always something. I promised myself they didn’t realize how far it was between visits and that they would be there for the next visit. I had not always had the best relationship with my parents and I also used that to justify my actions…or lack of actions. The days came though that they were not there anymore. My father died in December of 2011 and my mother died in March of 2013. My tears have not ended yet. I think it is unlikely that they ever will.
Mummy and Daddy…I owed you so much. I owed you more respect than I gave you. I owed you compassion and appreciation every day of your lives. I owed you the love I know you felt for me. I owed you time. If I could talk to you one more time, face to face, I would say thank you and I love you. I would say I am sorry for not hugging you enough and for not making you a bigger priority in my life. I miss you far more than I could ever imagine I would. It took losing you to understand fully this lesson in life and loss.
The last time I saw my mom, I did hold her hand as she slept. I even cried as I did so. Her skin was so soft and so was her hair. But when she woke up, I said my good bye and I left, promising to be back in a few weeks. A few weeks was too late. I wonder if she knew….
I hope that someone reading this will think about their own parents. He or she will call their mom and dad and say “I love you. I just want you to know that”. If I can save one person the heartache I feel, it will help me find inner peace. At least I hope it does. We each only have one mom and one dad. They may not always be the people we want them to be. But then again, we are not always the children (of any age) that they want us to be. Yet, somehow, in those mixed up relationships and tumultuous moments, they are closer to us than anyone will ever be except out own children. If they did the best they could to raise you, given what they knew at the time, given all of the circumstances they had to deal with, given the era they raised you, then please call them. We do not always know or understand what they went through in their lives. Maybe they hid some things from you to protect you. Perhaps some things were too painful for them to talk about. But they did the best they could…. Now, go see them. Hold their hand as you say thank you. Do not be afraid of looking silly. Do not live with the illusion that they will always be there. Life is fragile and we are not immortal. Make that call or visit and please let me know…